


Glass Heart

by salloul



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, M/M, One Shot, POV Katsuki Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:39:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9095719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salloul/pseuds/salloul
Summary: Yuri's anxiety is getting in the way of his practice. Through a heart to heart with Victor, he finds his resolve.





	

I glanced down at my skates, trying to reorganize my thoughts. Should I keep the Quad-double toe first? Should I even try the Quad flip at the end? I haven’t landed it yet. Will I ever land it? If I focus too much on landing the flip, then I might mess up the rest of my jumps or even my step sequence? What combination will win? I need to show everyone that Victor’s choice to be my coach wasn’t for nothing. I need to win for him. But how am I supposed to win, I’ve never done well. I’m holding him back… I…  
“Yuri,” Victor said sternly, stepping out onto the ring. My chest tensed in guilt. He noticed my hesitation. Of course, he noticed. I glanced up.  
“Are you confused about the program?” he asked, gliding over to me. He seemed to float across the ice. Even though he had not officially skated in a competition for 8 months, he was still in tip-top shape. He probably could perform in a competition tomorrow and win gold. He was amazing. He was in his usual “coach” outfit of a black turtleneck, gloves, and tight-fitted black pants. His piercing blue eyes focused on me.   
I shook my head.   
“It looks like you are searching for something,” he said, stopping a foot away from me. I avoided eye contact by looking back down at my skates, pushing the tip of the blade into the ice.  
“Are your skates not on tight enough?” he asked, trying to decipher my silence.   
“No, they are fine,” I said, taking a step back. I could feel his eyes on me and could practically hear the gears in his head moving as he tried to untangle my mind. Victor was a good coach for technical skills, but he was at a loss dealing with the inner workings of my mind. He would try to meet me where I was at with my insecurities, but where I was at was one of his weak points. He doesn’t know how to address my emotional problems. If I only could toss aside my emotions, our relationship wouldn’t have to be as much of a strain as it is to him.   
“I am going to practice my step-sequence,” I said, turning my back to him.   
“Yuri…” 

I began the sequence, replaying the music within my mind. I tried not to think… not to think about my failure at last year’s Grand Prix…not to think about the upcoming competition…not to think about Victor… would he leave me if I didn’t win? … don’t think about that… don’t think…If I fail, I will reflect poorly on Victor.   
“Yuri, stop,” Victor said. “You look so stiff and awkward.”   
Pain pierced through my chest. I failed him, again.   
“I can do it,” I said, trying to keep my emotions from spilling over. I took a deep breath and pictured stuffing my whirling thoughts into a box. Celestino, my former coach, used to talk me through this exercise: “Imagine yourself putting all your thoughts into a box, slam it shut, and tie it tightly with a red ribbon. Got it, Yuri? Now skate!”   
It was supposed to help me skate through my emotions. I hadn’t done this exercise in so long, but it felt so natural. I could feel the old numbness from before coming back, but if it helped me win, it would be all worth it, right?  
I began the sequence over again. Step, kick, lunge. I was doing the movements, but my heart felt so distant. I felt like I was floating above my body—watching someone else skate the routine. This was fine, wasn’t it? I glanced over at Victor as I turned into the next set. His arms crossed and his lips curled into a frown. I could feel the box at the back of my head, rattling. I imagined tying another red ribbon around it as I went into spread eagle.   
“Yuri, please stop.”  
I lifted myself from the spread eagle and turned towards him. The box bulged in my head, threatening to explode.   
“I-I thought I was doing well on all the technical aspects,” I said.   
“You were still stiff and your heart was not in it,” he said, moving towards me. “Your body wasn’t singing for me.”   
I sighed. He was right; I was just going through the motions. But, I did the best when I distanced myself. Didn’t Victor recognize this? Weren’t the moves I just did the best I’ve done the whole time he has been with me? My mind felt so muddled.   
“Yuri,” he said, raising his hand out to me. I couldn’t look at him. It was humiliating to be skating like this in front of someone like Viktor. He was a genius. He knew the ice, and he knew how to entice an audience. He could tug at your heart strings with one turn and excite you with a simple hip thrust. Why did I have to humiliate myself like this in front of him? He was a skating idol, and I was the fat piggy that took him away from the world.   
“What’s going on, Yuri?” he said, lowering his hand. “Please tell me what’s bothering you.”   
I chewed on my lower lip. What was I supposed to say? Where do I even begin?   
“Yuri, you always get this look in your eye when you are searching for an answer,” he said. “It’s your nerves again, isn’t it? Stop worrying.”   
I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to accept what he was saying. My nerves… I’m in complete control of my nerves. It was the before-Viktor Yuri that struggled with that. I needed to know that I wasn’t the same as before, because if I was the same as I was before then I wasn’t getting stronger. It would mean that my destiny for this season would be only failure. Everything that Viktor had done for me would be for nothing and he would leave me. Why pursue a hopeless case like me?   
“Just start talking, okay?” he said. “Let me have some of your burdens.”  
“I don’t want to give you all my troubles,” I yelled, turning away from him. I didn’t want to deal with this right now.   
“Yuri!” he said, grabbing my shoulder and pulling me towards him. The shock of his forceful movement shifted my weight, causing me to lose balance.   
“Vik—“  
I fell on my ass, like an idiot. This situation just got on whole other level of humiliating. To make matters worse, Viktor also fell.   
“Oh, Yuri! I’m so sorry!”   
“It’s okay, Viktor. It was my fault.”   
Damn it! I just made myself look like a bigger fool than before. My butt hurt, and a huge bruise would be there tomorrow reminding me of how useless I was today. I twisted around to make sure Victor was alright. He was wincing as he rubbed his backside.   
“Victor, are you alright!” I shouted, crawling over to him. He smiled at me.   
“Yes, now that you are closer to me,” he said, stroking a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You are closer to catching up to me then you realize.”   
“What do you mean?” I said. He lowered his hand from my face and grabbed my hand.   
“You truly are an amazing skater Yuri,” he said. “If I was still competing, you would be quite the threat.”   
I ripped my hand from his hand.   
“Yuri, what…”   
“Why would you say that to me?” I said, my eyes filling with tears. “It’s like you are mocking me. I’ve spent half my life trying to catch up to you and now, I feel like I’m holding you back. And you realized it too, didn’t you Victor? You are not the same when you are with me. You are giving me everything you have as my coach, but in doing so, you are slowly killing yourself as a competitive skater. I’m killing you.”   
“Yuri stop!” Victor yelled, grabbing me by my shoulders. “You’ve misunderstood. You are not killing me; you are enlightening me.”   
His eyes were wide as they stared at me—transfixing me. I couldn’t look away.   
“Before, I was at a dead end,” he started. “I focused so much on skating I had let many other things pass me by. I wasn’t living and you… you allowed me to live for once. I love skating, but it also killed all other aspects of my life and you… you gave them life again. Yuri, you’ve empowered me. You give me my L words: love and life.”   
“Viktor…” He pulled me into a hug. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he began to speak to me again.   
“I want to take you all the way there Yuri, all the way to the gold medal.”  
I pulled my hands around him and hugged him back. I felt like a little bit of the weight on my shoulders had been lifted off. The box in my head was completely open; all my insecurities twirled around my head, but I felt a little bit stronger now. I can do this…  
I just wanted to stay in his embrace forever, but I had a gold medal to win. We released each other and helped each other up. Victor headed back over to the side to give me some room to practice. I began my step sequence.   
Watch me, Victor.


End file.
